I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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