I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
this must be what syphilis tastes like
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
