You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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