Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
