my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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