just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
