I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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