we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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