the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
