Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
