you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
