I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
