The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
