My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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