i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
