Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
