I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
