just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
im on a boat
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