apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
