I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
