I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
