yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
