I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So much Jack, so little girl.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
