Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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