Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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