dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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