maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
