Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
