Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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