I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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