just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
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