First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
