I CAN MOONWALK!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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