After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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