it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
