I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
