I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
