no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
