I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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