If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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