I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
