You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
