oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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