I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
