my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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