Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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