I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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