Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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