a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
