she woke up with a sticky ear
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
