the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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