im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
