That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
