I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
