shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
There are leaves in my underwear?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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