I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I look better un-naked...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
