it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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