OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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