im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
