I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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