Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
