Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
