bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
