On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
