I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
