You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
