Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
